Ok so Tara and I are finally getting around to reviewing the 50 Shades of Grey movie which we saw a few weeks ago! Sorry for the delay as I am honestly the one who has been slacking for reasons beyond my control! I have to be upfront in the fact that I have never read the book or any of the subsequent books (I know) although Tara has read them all! A disclaimer on Tara, the woman can read a damn book in one night! I am talking the 800 page Harry Potter book finished in less than 24 hours! The same book that took me months to read! I really tried to read 50 Shades of Grey and actually gave it three tries. I even downloaded it to my Kindle to read on my honeymoon but each time I picked it up, I just could not get into it! The majority of people who read it, said the writing was horrible which for the parts I actually read didn’t bother me that much. However, I found the story to be completely unbelievable both in print and on screen! I expected some hot sex scenes but I was left thinking WTF did I just watch?! I mean really that does not happen – for your first time – I don’t think so! I found myself several times during the movie laughing out loud and looking at Tara with disbelief at Mr. Grey’s creepiness! I did not find him remotely attractive, let alone hot and don’t even get me started on Ms. Steele (can’t he just all her Anastasia – I cannot imagine when I first met my husband if he called me Ms. Carrano – barf)! I thought the acting was… eh, but the the lack of chemistry between the leading characters, laughable. I found myself bored at times, wondering where the movie was going other than in Christian’s “playroom.” I don’t know about you but I would have ran in the opposite direction if I guy I went out with once took me into his “playroom.” I kept wanting those scenes to be seductive but I found them to be creepy and uncomfortable. I honestly think I would have enjoyed the movie more if Charlie Hunnan, aka, Jax Teller, played Christian Grey. For those that have watched Sons of Anarchy, you know exactly what I mean! The man is a specimen who is not adverse to nudity. His sex scenes on national television were way more scintillating that what went on in Christian’s “playroom.”
The only other person that could have made me happy as Christian Grey would be if Channing Tatum played him! I have a slight obsession with him ever since Magic Mike and and no one does a thong or the Pony better than him!!
Will I see the sequel? Possibly but only based on morbid curiosity, especially due to the movie’s cliffhanger ending (lame)!! -xoxo Shauna
This needed to be a joint writing effort……It was THAT bad. 50 Shades of Mediocrity…I mean Grey…where do I begin. I literally feel like I lost brain cells. It fails on just about every level. I did read the books, and wasn’t impressed by them. I had high hopes the movie would be better. After reading those books I was left thinking….that was 3 of the most boring and redundant books I have read in awhile. (I am a Patterson fan through and through) I hate to stereotype, but since it’s my blog…here goes. The conclusion I have come to, is that those damn books were popular because every young 20 something that hasn’t lived life yet, and every stay at home mom with a “boring” life, saw a story with a spark of unknown. It was BDSM moments that never rose to the occasion. It reminded me of people that would never watch porn but wanted to. It was like…..”OMG…I just read this book…and there was sex in it…and omg it was bondage sex”……PG 13 Sex. Not to mention, it was the same story for all 3 books. They meet…have sex….they fall in love and move in together and get married…have more sex…..third book….they have a baby…more sex. I will say this, I almost HAD to read these books because there was so much hype about them. After getting through the first one I thought, I have to read the next…because it HAS to get better. Those ladies that lusted after Mr.Grey bought the books in droves, causing it to rise to fame. The books stole the 7th, 12th and 13th spots on the NY Times bestsellers list. It was then, that we all knew a movie wouldn’t be far behind.
When I first heard they were casting the 50 Shades movie, it was told to us that Charlie Hunnam was to play Christian Grey. Being the HUGE Son’s Of Anarchy fan that I am….the thought of Jax Teller on the large screen, in a movie with bondage was right up there on my list of stuff I find exciting, like… Christmas Day and the day TJMaxx puts out the new stuff. As Shauna said above he is a specimen. He would have been a much more intriguing Christian Grey than what we actually got……Going into this movie, I wasn’t expecting much. We went to a Saturday matinee. Aside from Shauna and I, the only other people there were 2 other groups of women. I was curious to see how they would react to the movie and I was thanking Jesus that they too were laughing out loud at the ridiculous scenes in front of us. There were more creepy scenes than a Saw movie! There was a ton of loving gazes, horrendous writing, bad chemistry and a completely pointless ending. I mean what is with Mr.Grey staring off into space 85% of the time?! I am not excited for a sequel. Will I see it….maybe. But only so I can do a sequel for this story. I will leave you with my pick for a better Christian Grey…..Tom Hardy, aka Bane from Batman, aka Eames from Inception or….Zac Efron…while young, he would have made an incredible Mr.Grey
While writing this, I asked my husband who he thought would have made a good Anastasia Steele. Without seeing the movie or reading the books, I gave him a description of her and he choose Kristen Stewart or Katie Homes. I actually like either or, although Dakota Johnson did a decent job. In closing this incredibly opinionated blog post I want to leave you with a list of the Top Ten Things I Find Weird about 50 Shades of Grey….
#1: When Christian says to Ana “It is important you know, you can leave at any time”…..no shit Mr. Grey if not it would be considered a kidnapping
#2: Why is it perfectly acceptable for Christian to surprise sell Ana’s car? When is that ever acceptable?
#3: “Laters Baby”…..(this makes me want to puke) Has anyone ever said this? If so, never say it again.
#4: How long is Christian standing in the hardware store staring off into space (I mean at Anastasia) (I mean lurking in the aisle) and why is it not strange to her that he needs rope and cable ties? He def doesn’t look like a DIY kind of man
#5: Why aren’t Ana’s lips chapped from all that biting? Does she use Vaseline lip therapy? She must!
#6: Why if Ana is going to interview a billionaire is she dressed for a church charity mission? Doc Marten like boots? A pony tail? Paper and a pencil?
#7: When Ana drunk dialed Christian from the bar, how did he find her? Girlfriend has an old school flip phone for a cell…..he def didn’t track it through Find my iPhone. Is he telepathic?
#8: Christian tells Ana he has 15 other submissives…does he buy all new whips and chains for each or are they just cleaned? In addition she is told she can decorate her room anyway she feels fit…..are there 15 sets of other furniture in storage or do they take that with them when they leave?
#9: Why does Ana’s mom not find it creepy and incredibly stalker like that some new guy her daughter is dating decides to hop on a plane and just come visit her…in Georgia. Again…how did he find her?! He must have some sort of GPS on Ana or again….he’s telepathic
#10: The last of a list that I could write all day….How does Christian Grey know how to braid hair and did everyone find it as laughable as Shauna and I did?
Please remember that all of these opinions are our own and we know that you will not all agree with this post. Some truly thought it was a great movie (yikes). -xoxo Tara