God it feels good to be back here writing to you! So many things I want to talk about……..Today’s “hot” topic is gonna be about social media and the role it plays in our relationships, daily lives, etc; I have tossed this around for a long time and am fed up with how gross people act on there that I am ready to talk some smack about it.
So here’s the 411. Getting into the dating pool for the first time in 6 or so years is not f*cking easy. I went from a “married” status to a “separated” status to having no status. As soon as the “married” was omitted from the equation, the flood gates opened and the flow of eligible bachelors came streaming into my DM’s. I am in no way trying to say that I am such a goddess that these dudes were lined up waiting. (I am also using the term eligible bachelor sarcastically) I have asked a bunch of people about this is the case for men, women, single, separated, etc; I guess what’s more surprising is that it didn’t happen more when I was married. From what I hear (and have seen) it’s not just the men that are acting like vultures. Ladies…where your morals at?! WTF is wrong with people and where is their ability to act like a lady or a gentleman on social media?I am horrified at the shit people say and for the love of all things holy…guys….keep your dick in your pants and stop sending every girl with a half way decent face and big boobs dick pics! Ladies….you will get much more respect if you didn’t try and act like you are posing for Playboy in your profile pics and then follow it with DM pics of yourselves naked. I mean please, PLEASE do not post meme’s about not being able to find a good guy…and how strong of a woman you are then send some dude a pic of your tits! It’s stupid. You are stupid. You look stupid.
Facebook allows you a forum to speak your mind, your truth and your opinion. It can be used as a great place to showcase a business. It is awesome to be able to have a place to post pictures of your work, post job openings and talk to other like minded people in your industry. Plus, it’s free! However, FB has this little policy of not allowing you to have a business page without having a personal page. Again, this can be great if you are like me and have friends all over the globe. It allows you to keep in closer contact and keep up with friends lives. However, there is such a thing as abusing this forum! Some people should have a mute button for real! We all know politics on FB is horrifying. People with half a brain and a fraction of knowledge spewing their opinion in a half literate statement. Deleting anyone who disagrees and virtual high fiving those that do. It is BRUTAL. I don’t want to spend the entire post talking political posts though, we have more important matters to discuss.
Now, I know this is not a new topic. No, I don’t live under a rock and NO I am not naive. But, I am new to dating life after 40 and have been married so excuse me if you are rolling your eyes at me over this. I will be honest with you readers…..I feel that if you are in a relationship with someone there are some unwritten, unspoken rules about social media interaction. Now some of the stuff may bother me more so than some of you, but…my blog, my opinion. I asked a bunch of people on FB their opinion about this topic because I wanted to hear what other people thought on this and here is what we got………
Rule #1: I feel that if you are in a relationship with someone you should not be liking, hearting or whatever other emoji’ing on pics of them where there face is not in the damn pic. Meaning…..Don’t go liking pics of dudes with no shirts on where ironically there head seems to not have fit in the pic frame but a clear pic of their abs seems to fit just fine and same for men liking pics of women’s asses, boobs and bodies.
Rule #2: Do not comment on pics of people of the opposite sex that you only know from the Facebook world. If you don’t know them in real life and they don’t know you have a boyfriend or girlfriend and you are commenting on their post……you look suspect to your significant other.
Rule #3: If you are sending DM’s to a member of the opposite sex, making plans to grab coffee, have lunch or grab a drink, and they have not met your BF or GF and you have no plans of them meeting……you should be dumped. That’s a whole have your cake and eat it to kinda vibe.
Rule #4: If a member of the opposite sex is posting meme’s about how a real man or woman is a freak in bed, a great human and a support system for you……(Yes people post this shit and I used it as an example because it is so popular…insert eye roll and barf face here) You do not respond with a flirty comment and a winky face. Why? Because you already have that person at home. The person posting the meme doesn’t need to know your flirty response. The person sleeping in bed next to you needs to know that’s how you feel about them.
May seem harmless to some but, it can make the other person feel disrespected, insecure or may cause lack of trust. It will ruin your relationship. If you don’t think it’s wrong what you are doing, then one of two things will happen. Your significant other will do it to you (as you are setting the tone for what’s acceptable and what isn’t) or, it will be the demise of your relationship. When I asked about this on FB a few people made some really REALLY good points. One of my male friends said that he thinks people can appear to be flirting and have no idea that they are appearing that way. I believe that. To some, saying good morning and adding a winky face is just being friendly. (I think it’s being flirty and a slap in the face to the person you are in a relationship with but that’s me) Another one of my guy friends said that there should be an “assessment as to whether it is a natural outworking of the person’s personality or not. If the person is naturally playful, outgoing and flirty than it’s how they are and there is no reason for concern. ” I liked this response and agree with it. It actually made me look at things a bit differently. I tend to be an introvert and when someone is overly friendly or outgoing my first reaction is why?! The comments I received from men and women that were married seemed different than the responses of the unmarried. The married peeps seemed secure in their relationships and social media didn’t come into play for them. One person said that while he is married and his wife doesn’t love the stuff he posts, he does it for his fans. I get that too. Someone else said it’s Fakebook, hot girls are good to look at and it’s not that deep. (On a side note…he is single) The women in relationships (not married) both said that they considered it wrong and would be mad.
For me personally, I have a lot of social media accounts. Business accounts and personal accounts. I get a lot of messages, comments and hearts on pics. I guess if I don’t like it being done to me by someone than I probably shouldn’t post pics of myself so much. Maybe not accept so many friend requests from guys who make it clear they are not looking to be my best friend but will go and put a heart on 12 pics on my page…carefully omitting to “like”, “heart” or acknowledge the pics of me with my man. We can’t be offended by our significant other doing this if we don’t do anything about the people posting on our own stuff. All we can do is trust our partner, try to respect our partner in any way we can and if we are that concerned about the stuff our partner is doing….we need to sit them down and tell them what and why it bothers us.
I wrote this because I have a ton of friends both male and female that talk about this stuff with me. I have friends that are divorcing their spouse, cheating on their spouse and looking for attention in all the wrong places. It isn’t one sided. The guys and ladies are of equal blame. I was floored by some of the stuff I have seen written and received. So much so that I took the time to write this. The bottom line is this…..If you can’t trust your partner, get out of the relationship. If they are doing something to piss you off, tell them. Communicate with them.
Ladies, if you aren’t happy in your situation….leave. Don’t waste your time trolling your man’s FB. Don’t seek attention from men on FB. Stop sending dudes who are in relationships pics and messages about wanting to have sex with them. You look desperate.
Guys, if you want to stay in a relationship with your lady….stop sending winky faces to other women. Stop liking strange women’s pics. Stop saying good morning to them on FB. If you keep doing it, the woman you are with will not trust you and you will ruin your relationship.
Learn to use social media as a mature adult. It isn’t a dating site, there are other websites for all that. Thanks for reading and remember…Facebook like an adult…not a horny high schooler or a desperate divorcee. #wordstoliveby